SIFTED

Anxious. That was the state of my body, soul, and spirit.

My heart raced, my mind wondered, and tears couldn’t even flow (they were probably too nervous to even try and leave the tear ducts)!

In the span of two weeks, needs were brought to my attention that were “too much”. My heart hurt hearing the emergent needs of some of my friends, and my heart of mercy wanted to fix it. But that’s exactly what I couldn’t do, AND it’s exactly what I shouldn’t try and do. Mercy is a beautiful gift. It’s Holy Spirit given and anointed. However, it’s easy to cross the line into pride when we start thinking we’re the ones that can rescue.

We can’t. It’s that simple.

ONLY GOD CAN.

Sunday morning I woke up, and immediately wanted to go back to sleep.

I just wanted to make the aches in my body go away. I wanted the racing in my mind to go away. I wanted the rapid heartbeats to slow down.

I grabbed my journal along with two pens, one red and one black. It was time to have a serious conversation with the Lord. I needed Him to tell me what this was all about and how we were gonna fix this thing!

I sat on my porch for THREE HOURS! I had my Bible, journal with pens, my phone to play praise music….all the things I could possibly need in order to hear God clearly.

So I thought.

I read through John 6. My personal miracle story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 led into the next miracle of Jesus walking on water. I’ve read that story numerous times, but it was God’s Word that read my heart on the porch that day.

I had asked Jesus, “How can I take You at Your word? I thought I could really say to this mountain, ‘MOVE’, but the mountain hasn’t moved, Lord. I feel like my world is falling apart and I can’t see You. How do I know You’re really there?”  And in the red letters, the next line I read was, “It is I; do not be afraid.”

When the disciples had the storm swirling around them, they didn’t recognize Jesus at first either. Yet when they did, they took Him into their boat, and IMMEDIATELY they were taken to the shore where they were heading (another piece of the miracle).

However, even in my journaling the anxious feelings didn’t flee. Even with Jesus saying, “It is I; do not be afraid” my heart and mind continued on their race to nowhere.

I looked at my phone. It was time to go to church. Ugh. All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed.

I only went to church that night because I am helping out a church plant, and I know what a big deal it is for a church planter to receive a text that says, “I’m sorry…I’m not going to make it.” It’s devastating, and I didn’t want to be a part of that.

So, I begged God for a word the entire walk up to the door of the meeting hall.

When the worship team started leading us, I felt a shift in my spirit. Every single song brought tears, and I didn’t know why until we started singing You Make Me Brave by Bethel Music. Ah, I get it Lord… Words like “You call me out beyond the shore into the waves….” echoed in my spirit.

Fear was the root cause of my anxiety, and God started peeling those layers back one at a time.

Then the pastor started preaching. My skin was covered in chill bumps, and my heart convulsed within me. There were SENTENCES the pastor said straight out of my journal. He had no idea I had been dealing with anxiety. But God did. And He gave Pastor Jeff the words to speak straight to my heart to reaffirm to me that He heard me during our time on the porch. He was there all along.

And what I love about how God works is that He goes the extra mile. While that part of the story is amazing enough, it doesn’t stop there. I went to another church plant’s life group this past Wednesday night. Guess what we talked about?  Yep, you guessed it. The miracle story from John 6:16-24. Jesus walks on the water….

Ok, God, I get it. You’re real. You care. You love me. AND You want me to “epiripto”  (“hurl violently”) my cares on you because You care for me.

When Jesus speaks, the storm has to listen. You won’t be overcome, and He will deliver you to the shoreline. Sometimes there’s a process involved, but He’s saying, “It is I; do not be afraid.” You and I can ask Him to get into the boat with us. Who better to invite than the very One who calms the sea with His voice!

So, today no matter what you’re going through, if you’re a believer in Jesus Christ speak these words to your storm: “Peace! Be still.” The wind and waves must listen.